Surviving the daily grind of paramedicine anywhere is no easy task, unless you are lying to youself. In the trenches of Corpse Valley you need the usual skills and then some. Here are a few suggestion to help you out.
Gain 45 lbs even before you start the job. This will ensure you don’t succumb to malnutrition in year one. So you miss a few hundred meals, the authorities pay you the equivalent of 2 bit coins for this.
Score a second locker to store all your uneaten food. If you are a fast food junkie jam all your VSAs in there. Be careful though, they will get out sooner or later.
Watch all 6 seasons of The Walking Dead. This is your world now.
Sign up for confined space yoga. Preps you for the endless hours of living in a tin can.
Remember honesty is the best philosophy. This will buy you a front row centre seat at the next showing of the “Guillotine”.
If you are looking to advance your career into management, perhaps take a university degree in ethics. Win the competion and then burn the degree,you won’t be needing it anymore.
When the authority drones on and on, just ignore it. That’s why they made ipods.
It’s always shift change in a nursing home. It’s like the fucking Truman Show there. Don’t fret though, it will pass as you enter the ER. Then it will seem like you are in episode 2 of “A Young Doctor’s Notebook”. This too will pass when the authorities give you a non urgent transfer for lunch. Best not to say anything or you will be transferred into a scene from Shawshank.
Grow eyes in the back of your head because someone will fuck you over eventually; always for their own advancement. The sweet justice here is they will be chocking on something while doing it.
Choose a vice and stick with it. Don’t change it up midstream, it will just fuck you up even more.
Get shit faced and operate heavy machinery (on private property of course). This prepares you to drive lights and sirens, administer medication,and save lives all while severely sleep deprived from continuous overtime.
Make weekly appointments with your local dominatrix so your are always ready to receive a call from dispatch.
Hopefully these few tips help you through your day.
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